We all have early childhood memories – of a favorite relative, a special toy or an event that made a big impression.  They are fixtures we will carry throughout our lives. But how those early experiences become sealed into our minds? 

Research by Human Ecology faculty member Qi Wang helps explain this phenomenon. Wang, an associate professor of human development, runs the Social Cognition Development Laboratory, where she studies how people develop autobiographical memory and their sense of self.

We know from prior research that the process of sharing memories begins early in life. As soon as children become capable of using language, they begin to discuss past events with caregivers. But initially, they make very few spontaneous references to past events. Instead, their recollections are directed by caregivers’ questions about the past. It is not until children are 3 to 5 years old that they can engage in more detailed conversations about the past. Even then, they rely on adults to direct the conversation.

Wang’s research has delved into how parents’ conversations shape children’s memories. She has found children from different cultural backgrounds recall events differently based on their parents’ conversational style.

For example, American mothers tend to elaborate more on children’s own narratives, asking questions that focus on the child and providing additional details about past events. This values children’s participation and emphasizes the importance of individual experience. Hence, American preschool and grade school children provide more elaborate and detailed memory accounts that refer to their own roles and preferences.

By comparison, Chinese and Korean mothers are less likely to elaborate when talking about past events with their children. Instead, they are more likely to ask factual questions and refer to other people. This approach emphasizes interpersonal relations, moral rules and behavioral expectations. As a result, Asian children talk more about other people than themselves when remembering something, and they are more likely to remember daily routines.

These early memories are important because they shape children’s sense of self and the way they recollect events over their entire lives. (Wang has found these cultural differences appear to extend to adulthood.)

A few take-home messages for parents are caregivers are:

• Consider your goals before starting a discussion with your child. What aspects of the event do you think is important for your child to remember?
• Consider the type of events you wish to discuss with your child and their implications. Selecting social events would allow you to reflect on your child in relation with others, social norms, and behavioral expectations. Choosing a personal event would allow you to focus on your child’s experiences, thoughts, and feelings relating to the event.
• Ask a lot of “wh” questions (e.g., who, what, where, when, why). Provide answers when the child does not remember. Avoid repeating questions, or “looking” for a right answer. Try not to create a test-like atmosphere.

You can find Wang’s work summarized in a paper created by Human Ecology’s Department of Human Development.